3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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