Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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