all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
