I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
