Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
