My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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