Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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