lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
