This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she peed on how many people?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
