My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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