so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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