I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
