Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
