If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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