Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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