I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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