How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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