Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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