marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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