I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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