You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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