PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
