Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
