What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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