He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
