My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize