I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
