Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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