smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
