I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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