Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
