The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
did you just send me my own nude
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize