Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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