2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
