yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
