when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
