It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
