there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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