Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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