I haven't been this sober since birth.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
