mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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