Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
