I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
