Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize