I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
