So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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