So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
