Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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