also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
