tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
