Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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