Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
