I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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