We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
