hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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