Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
