i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
