He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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