Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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