Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
