Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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