it was like his penis was on wheels.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
