He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize