so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
