The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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