I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
