I would go down on you faster than GM stock
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
being pregnant is like rehab
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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