I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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