my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
