Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize