He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
