She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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